Tuesday, March 24, 2009
TWO MORE WEEEEEEEEEEKS.
Haha, I actually failed in my self-discipline and decided to ask, no beg, for a ticket home during the April holidays. It's gonna be a rocking 2 and-a-bit weeks, YEAH! (And that ticket will be my birthday present from my parents. RM1200+ OTL Guess that's what happens when you book a flight last minute. OTL||)
The only regrets I have is that I won't be able to attend the Easter Carnival held by the Church and Passion Camp. ): (And I heard people get sick from all the chocolate they get for Easter; I won't get sick from chocolates. )): )
My birthday's coming next week!! Ah!! I know it's nothing I should be so excited about, but it means I can learn how to drive. I have to start with Undang first (5 HOUR COURSE IN MALAY. Gonna read a book ahaha.) before actually getting to the practical/theory test but my mom says I can finish that in December. WOOTS!
I think the moment I learn how to drive would be the moment when I can finally acknowledge I have passed the threshold of teenage years. I know, I'm still in my teens age-wise, but it's all dependent on how you view adulthood, right?
I don't believe you have to lose your innocence to be an adult, neither do you have to be above 20 to be one. (Many people above 20 are still pretty much kids.) Learning how to drive is like a huge line for me; one that divides children from maturity.
Of course, I understand driving won't always make you responsible, but it certainly can give you a lot of responsibility. At the very least, I won't be treated like a kid anymore. (:
I hafta say I guess that's what's been bothering me on a fundamental level since early childhood. I realise I tend to strive for the top; aim for the best and be practically one of those lifeless children whose notable for their awesome achievements and young deaths.
It doesn't sound very plausible, let me say this first. It's a feeling I get, that everyone's looking down on me. This term 'everyone' is rather subjective. It can mean absolutely everyone-- or no one at all.
For example, my parents. It's normal for parents to want their kids to excel in everything, right? I think I used to believe that and more when I was way young. So I'd work so very damn hard, aiming for the top in class. I'll imagine my parents being incredibly disappointed if I didn't get the scores -- those sort of things. But that was only in my mind; my parents aren't the kind who'll bring out the cane if my marks fell below 70%. I just let myself believe that.
It's exactly that sort of thing that's pushing me now. I get weird feelings that my friends will be disappointed in me if I don't achieve the best in life or that they simply won't be friends with me just because I'm boring, useless and nothing I do is worth their attention.
It really sucks to feel that way.
Augh, and I get random episodes of paranoia. I'd classify it under extreme paranoia but it might be an overstatement.
I am currently feeling that my friends here in Perth don't ... really ... act like my friends? I... I don't know. Maybe my friends in Singapore/Malaysia have set the bar too high. Maybe my expectations are too high. Or yeah, maybe I'm paranoid.
Geez, it's hard putting these feelings in words, no? I guess I'm not very happy these days. But I'm not upset or anything! It's just like an amplified state of limbo. Everything's zombified for me. My words fall out of my mouth like pieces of lint; it's there, but nobody really cares about it.
And now, if you've read past all that self-pity garbage, have a gander at my birthday list!!
Things Hazel wants for her birthday: (In no order whatsover)
1. Book vouchers (Times, Borders, Popular even!)
2. Terry Pratchett books:
- The Last Continent
- Monstrous Regiment
- Jingo
- Maskerade
- The Truth
- Pyramids
- Mort
- Sourcery
- Wyrd Sisters
- Carpe Jugulum
- Equal Rites
3. The Art of Discworld (Terry Pratchett, Paul Kidby)
4. Good Omens (Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman)
[Okay, honestly, anything to do with Discworld would make me /really/ happy. XD]
5. Flag pins! >W< I loved the Italy and Germany one-- C-can I have a China and Russia one? >W> (But any Hetalia flag would do. <3<3)
Anything related to Hetalia will definitely make me squeal.
6. Birthday cards or notes will make me explode -- in the good way of course. (If you can manage to send it by mail, I'll /implode/.)
7. Prismacolor Pencils (24 pack)
8. Any one of Shaun Tan's picture books http://www.shauntan.net/
9. Sketchbook (Smaller than A4 please! :3)
I don't expect this list to be filled anytime soon! (Because what I want is so expensive. OTL) But I shall leave it here so that I can buy them for myself (life goal!!)~
Haha, I actually failed in my self-discipline and decided to ask, no beg, for a ticket home during the April holidays. It's gonna be a rocking 2 and-a-bit weeks, YEAH! (And that ticket will be my birthday present from my parents. RM1200+ OTL Guess that's what happens when you book a flight last minute. OTL||)
The only regrets I have is that I won't be able to attend the Easter Carnival held by the Church and Passion Camp. ): (And I heard people get sick from all the chocolate they get for Easter; I won't get sick from chocolates. )): )
My birthday's coming next week!! Ah!! I know it's nothing I should be so excited about, but it means I can learn how to drive. I have to start with Undang first (5 HOUR COURSE IN MALAY. Gonna read a book ahaha.) before actually getting to the practical/theory test but my mom says I can finish that in December. WOOTS!
I think the moment I learn how to drive would be the moment when I can finally acknowledge I have passed the threshold of teenage years. I know, I'm still in my teens age-wise, but it's all dependent on how you view adulthood, right?
I don't believe you have to lose your innocence to be an adult, neither do you have to be above 20 to be one. (Many people above 20 are still pretty much kids.) Learning how to drive is like a huge line for me; one that divides children from maturity.
Of course, I understand driving won't always make you responsible, but it certainly can give you a lot of responsibility. At the very least, I won't be treated like a kid anymore. (:
I hafta say I guess that's what's been bothering me on a fundamental level since early childhood. I realise I tend to strive for the top; aim for the best and be practically one of those lifeless children whose notable for their awesome achievements and young deaths.
It doesn't sound very plausible, let me say this first. It's a feeling I get, that everyone's looking down on me. This term 'everyone' is rather subjective. It can mean absolutely everyone-- or no one at all.
For example, my parents. It's normal for parents to want their kids to excel in everything, right? I think I used to believe that and more when I was way young. So I'd work so very damn hard, aiming for the top in class. I'll imagine my parents being incredibly disappointed if I didn't get the scores -- those sort of things. But that was only in my mind; my parents aren't the kind who'll bring out the cane if my marks fell below 70%. I just let myself believe that.
It's exactly that sort of thing that's pushing me now. I get weird feelings that my friends will be disappointed in me if I don't achieve the best in life or that they simply won't be friends with me just because I'm boring, useless and nothing I do is worth their attention.
It really sucks to feel that way.
Augh, and I get random episodes of paranoia. I'd classify it under extreme paranoia but it might be an overstatement.
I am currently feeling that my friends here in Perth don't ... really ... act like my friends? I... I don't know. Maybe my friends in Singapore/Malaysia have set the bar too high. Maybe my expectations are too high. Or yeah, maybe I'm paranoid.
Geez, it's hard putting these feelings in words, no? I guess I'm not very happy these days. But I'm not upset or anything! It's just like an amplified state of limbo. Everything's zombified for me. My words fall out of my mouth like pieces of lint; it's there, but nobody really cares about it.
And now, if you've read past all that self-pity garbage, have a gander at my birthday list!!
Things Hazel wants for her birthday: (In no order whatsover)
1. Book vouchers (Times, Borders, Popular even!)
2. Terry Pratchett books:
- The Last Continent
- Monstrous Regiment
- Jingo
- Maskerade
- The Truth
- Pyramids
- Mort
- Sourcery
- Wyrd Sisters
- Carpe Jugulum
- Equal Rites
3. The Art of Discworld (Terry Pratchett, Paul Kidby)
4. Good Omens (Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman)
[Okay, honestly, anything to do with Discworld would make me /really/ happy. XD]
5. Flag pins! >W< I loved the Italy and Germany one-- C-can I have a China and Russia one? >W> (But any Hetalia flag would do. <3<3)
Anything related to Hetalia will definitely make me squeal.
6. Birthday cards or notes will make me explode -- in the good way of course. (If you can manage to send it by mail, I'll /implode/.)
7. Prismacolor Pencils (24 pack)
8. Any one of Shaun Tan's picture books http://www.shauntan.net/
9. Sketchbook (Smaller than A4 please! :3)
I don't expect this list to be filled anytime soon! (Because what I want is so expensive. OTL) But I shall leave it here so that I can buy them for myself (life goal!!)~
Vital regions invaded at 8:10 PM.
